I get asked A LOT, why we are homeschooling this year. Well, I think 3 months ago, when we started, I was still feeling the flip-flop feeling in my stomach when people asked me. I guess it was fear of disapproval and anxiety that those that knew us as Carroll Dragons would think we gave up or were too picky.
Now, I feel enough time has passed and I've come to a place where the flip-flop feelings are a little less intense. I'm even getting them as a write.....I guess now I keep reminding myself that I'm not alone, other people are thinking exactly what I was for the last few years. Yet, somehow we all go along with what teachers, parents and administrators tell us are normal and always have acceptance and go with the "flow".
Well, I QUIT! I was tired of acting like cattle being herded to slaughter; yet, acting as if nothing was wrong.
So, now I'm sharing our story. This is only in the effort of hoping that our story helps some other family or open the eyes of teachers, administrators, and our local & state governments to the changes that need to happen.
So Here is Our Homeschool Story:
I was educated in the parochial school system, {Catholic School}, from pre-school through high school. Some would say that was a sheltered existence. I prefer to think of it as a fabulous & nurturing existence. I had teachers that recognized at the beginning of Kindergarten that I needed more. They had me tested, (I still remember that day like yesterday, I felt so Big [smile] ), and then, they placed me into 1st Grade. I was also placed in an above grade level Math and Reading classes. I was asked to free read in my Extra Reading class and when we finished a book, we shared it with our small group and received a prize. I continued to be above grade level until 6th Grade year. What changed? Well, in full disclosure, I was the child of a VERY dysfunctional family. My mother divorced when I was 6, remarried when I was 8 to a guy a couple years younger than her, (she in her late 20's), and he drove a van with a mattress in the back. Yes, a real winner! We lived in Colorado and then I was uprooted in the 3rd Grade, after her summer wedding, to a small wonderful Catholic school Kate Fratt in Billings, Montana until the middle of 6th Grade. Then, we moved to Texas. Children are so susceptible to their environments. Home, school & church were my whole world! What all those people thought of me mattered. So when my home life was less than perfect, I relied on what my teachers and church community conveyed to me personally in approvals or disapprovals. I was what most call a teacher pleaser.
Well, one day in above grade level Math class, I asked a question. I got me teacher saying back to me, in front of the whole class, "Jennifer you are so stupid! I have explained this several times." We'll, for some kids that may have been a shock but not devastating. For me, that was it! I could no longer see numbers and all the magic I had with Math was gone. By the end of the year I dropped to remedial Math. My mother was not very proactive or reactive unless there was an audience. She complained, the teacher apologized, but the damage was done. To some people they may judge and say, I'm weak, or dramatic. But, when a child's home life is in constant turmoil and filled with many types of abuse and no one else knows, a teachers words of disapproval in an extreme manner can make a HUGE impression. "I guess I am stupid!" I continued those thoughts until college. Then one year, I had a professor that had gone to Harvard, who was teaching a novel course at Texas Woman's University. He said in front of the class, that I had great insight into the novels and he could tell I could see deeper than the text of the novel. Well, the switch was flipped back on. I had more confidence, I felt "smart" again.
Now, after that experience and then being a mom of two bright boys, I was determined to have their educational experience be consistent, nurturing and flexible. I felt that I had a good understanding that no matter where your child falls in the spectrum of educational ability, that education should be flexible. Everyone learns at their own pace. Now, I don't mean slow the whole class down or speed it up. I just mean that teachers should have the ability within the school day to observe students that need extra help for reasons of a higher level learning ability, lower level learning ability, or the student in between that needs review. Somewhere along the way, I believe, teachers have had the ability to do this easily, and then it was taken away. The day is filled with State Standards, National Standards, State Testing Review and no real teaching! Therefore, students that are low on the spectrum or high on the spectrum, get lost! The ones in between, it's harder to judge if their getting anything out of school.
Our 12 year old was tested as Gifted & Talented in Kindergarten. Upon entering 2nd Grade our son had been in Kumon since Kindergarten. {I thought it was a wonderful way to keep his mind busy and sharpen skills.} I explained to his teacher that he was doing multiplication and was she able to help him. The answer was surprisingly no! They would not touch on it until the end of the year. Well, we went along with the "flow"... Then, 5th grade!!!
Here is where our tipping point happened. We had many stumbles with teachers for both boys up to here, but this was a pivitol year. You know that feeling you get, when you know something is wrong, not right, odd, uncomfortable and you pan the room for similar facial expressions to the one you are sure you are making and then NOTHING!! Really?? No one else finds this odd and frustrating? Well, that was our experience with 5th grade information night. Not a good sign.
It sounded like high school expectations or at the least 8th grade. The principal, while her lead Math teacher was explaining the Math levels, was chatting away and smiling with a colleague while sitting on the stage swinging her legs. Oh so professional. So, am I picky? Maybe...or just looking for a professional attitude toward her teacher while he was presenting. By the way, this was afterall her first oppportunity meeting all of us incoming 5th grade parents for the first time. Thiis seemed too comfortable and very unprofessional to us.
Then, 5th grade starts! Lockers only at certain times a day, if you forget something in math class the teacher makes you sign the book for a behavioral infraction, 4 signatures equals detention. Forget an assignment 15pts off then a zero. Well, my son got one signature in the book because he "thought" he left a book in the Math class room.
My point is.......can we all remember they are 10 and some of these kids were still 9! I think people forget they are still what used to be still called elementary school age. now its Intermediate school. I understand if the forgetful behavior was becoming a habit, but this was his first time. Geez! Then, the Math grades were all over the map. 100's, 90's, 60's...what is going on? I wrote the teacher asking for advice, I sent him in early to school for help and still no real resolution. The homework in Math and English added up to 2 1/2-3 hrs. of homework each night...5th grade...10 year olds. I finally got up enough nerve to call the school. I spoke with the vice principal who agreed with me that this was not common practice and we should have a team meeting. This meant all his teachers, the vice principal and my husband and me, to get to the root of all the homework. The V.P. asked me to state my concerns and my top concern besides the amount of homework was his grade in Math being a B when he was an A student. The English teacher interjects, "no B will keep him out of Harvard!" I guess she was referencing his Harvard hat he wore on "Friday Hat Day". {his Aunt graduated magna cum-laude from Harvard and the Grandparents were sending pride hats and shirts}. I was so shocked by her response and quite frankly her candidness. I would never have thought that to be an appropriate response to people you barely know. Then, I came back with, "but, this is Math! If he misses concepts he will only get further behind as time goes on." Then, the group nodded in agreement. The, meeting consisted of them explaining how he could do his work from English in Math in other classes when he had free time instead of getting out his books to free read. This was seen as ridiculous...he should be more productive. UGH! But, it still did not solve why there was SO much homework! Because, whether he did it in another class or home, it was still homework. So again...we went with the "flow".
Then, Math was still not improving. By the 3rd 6weeks, I had had it! I called the gifted and talented teacher of my oldest and asked for advice. She thought it would serve me well to speak with the G.T. coordinator for the district. She was new to the district and yet, she was perplexed at the amount of homework and lack of "real" solutions to my questions and problems. She then suggested I speak to the Vice Superintendent. I hoped to get a response of "yes, this is acceptable and normal for 5th grade" or not! After our first conversation I was made aware, this was not quite right. So, my gut was right! The amount of phone calls, updates, information that transpired over the next couple weeks, felt immense. The English & Math coordinators had been to the school from what I was told, several times. Then, I was ready for the solution. I called the Principal, after it was explained to me she was the boss of the teachers.
This was after I had been informed, from another parent eaves dropping during a PTO meeting, that 25 parents from the year before complained about the homework level with the SAME 2 teachers. What?? What is going on here? I called other parents I knew, with kids currently in 5th grade too. Some had the same teachers and same issues and others had hardly more than 1hr. each night from other teachers. So there was definitely inconsistencies with the teaching staff and homework.
Back to the principal and her solution. Her response...we'll, this was during her figuring out a bathroom "issue" in the 6th grade boys bathroom, that apparently could not wait until after our appointmant. UGH!
Principal:"Mrs. H., I have spoken to the teachers and the ELA teacher said, he's a perfectionist."
Me: "ok, what does that have to do with all the homework he has verses the other ELA students not getting assigned homework and being given class time for the work?"
Principal: "we aren't discussing other students Mrs. H."
Me: "ok, then, the other classes are being given class time for work, that my son's class is being told to do at home."
Principal: "Different teaching styles."
Me:"ok, what about Math."
Principal:"She said he talks too much."
This is where I flipped out!!!
Me: "Am I being punked? Is this really acceptable to you, as a principal, that your teachers are blaming a gifted and talented student for too much homework because he's a perfectionist? And your Math teacher is blaming him for underperforming because he talks too much?"
Principal: "I was told you were aware of his talking too much."
Me: "When?...When I emailed Her! I emailed her to ask about his slipping grades. Her response was he moved to the back of the class and she thought it was to talk, but I could also send him in early for extra help." "I have had no further contact from her since the team meeting. My thought is, if he is talking too much move him! And why has he not signed the book except when he thought he had left a book in her class. No other infractions for disruptive talking. And why did she not contact me, after I let her know I was concerned."
Principal: ( shrugged her shoulders)
Me: (Inside wondering, how this is happening to me!!!!! The nonchalant attitude, as if to convey that I was a bother.)
Me: "Are you telling me as their boss, that you are fine with this? That your teachers are blaming my son!"
Principal: "I can see your upset."
Me: "no, I'm furious! The Vice Superintendent had to come here 3 times and countless phone calls to your vice principal, and meetings...and this is your answer as to why an A student has almost 3 hrs. worth of homework at 10 years of age, while underperforming in Math, and all because he's a perfectionist and talks too much? Are you serious! He still wants to play with Legos and outside with his friends. He has no life! School let's out at 3:45, by the time he went to his lockers, got outside and we drove home, I got him home at 4:00. Then, he had almost 3 hrs of homework, then dinner, then, bed. Kids at 10 should be able to have a quality education, have some extra curricular activities and playtime."
Principal: (nothing)
Me: " Then, I want him out of that Math class!"
This is where I said to myself...What is happening here? Why am I the bad guy and being treated with such utter disrespect? Why is my child getting teachers that CLEARLY don't want to teach and a principal who acts like she's playing principal for the day?
She then moved him to a teacher that also taught the highest level of Math for 5th grade, and he made an A on the first test. He told me (he thought he couldn't do Math anymore and now realized he could! It was so much easier with the new Math teacher.) This was such a relief. Although, now we had our final try ahead of us, to try at the Accelerated Math the Vice Superintendent suggested he should be in.
The end of the year required a class and testing for class placement the following year. We entered him in the class and got him a tutor. The tutor discovered he had missed so many facts/operations from the beginning of the year. She also thought he was very gifted in Math and after prompting and further tutoring he was able to catch up and do 7th and 8th grade Math. So, as luck would have it, he got ill. The Dr. said he would probably not perform well on the test due to his level of illness and medication. He didn't do well!
This is where I started realizing I had been worn down, I couldn't take much more of this pressure. What now...
I arranged for a meeting with the teacher to go over the test. I asked if it would be ok for his tutor to come along. I'm not up on my algebra skills, I knew I needed reinforcements. My husband was unable to attend. Well, I arrived to find the Math coordinator there too. This seemed odd to me, since I had been in contact with her throughout the end of the school year including getting him in to take this course. Why had she not called to let me know she was coming to the meeting too? I felt on guard immediately. Why was it necessary for her to be there? Was there a problem? Weren't we just going over the exam? So again, I was going with the "flow".
The meeting started off with the teacher acting very defensive and telling me about his scores on the exam and his standardized test scores. Then, proceeding to say, "bottom line Mrs. H., your son is smart, he's just not that smart!" I was so irritated and shocked. His tutor, dumbfounded. She then proceeded to tell us that most of the kids that take the summer class will fail and even if they pass and get in to the upper level Math, they will probably fail out anyway. I could not believe her candidness and lack of couth. I explained that the point of the meeting was to go over the test and see if he failed due to careless errors or complete lack of understanding. I also asked if his Dr.'s note with illness description and capabilities would help in giving him a second chance. She quickly answered "no" and explained she felt he was never sick. I said he was, the Dr. said he was. At this point, his tutor even interjected that she saw and knew he was ill. The Math teacher replied emphatically, "I'm telling you I never saw him ill, he was not ill in here." So I guess, now I'm a liar?
Then, she said "I feel I know your son,", ( which I was confused about since she had over 25 kids in the class and he recalled her maybe saying hi and answering a couple questions in class), she continued..."and he's the type of kid who thinks he knows everything and probably just wants to be in here to look cool to his friends." The tutor interjected and said, she highly disagreed having worked one on one with him. That he was always making sure he understood something and was not afraid to ask to make sure.
I was dumbfounded. Even if he was....even if that was fact....do you say that to a parent just wanting to go over a test and future Math options? Was that helpful and informative? Or hurtful and condescending? Wow! (I keep saying that!) Then, she looked at his tutor saying "well, that was my experience with him and I feel I know him very well"....(in 2 weeks, class over 25, jamming in information for test review?...ok.).
Then, she looked right at me and said "and you Mrs. H are the typical parent wanting your son in the class to look good to your friends!" Again...What is happening here? I replied, "I have to disagree with you. You don't know me! I want my child to be where he needs to be. If he was at a remedial level, I would want the level of teaching to match his ability. I'm insulted." She just shrugged. I could not believe this was happening! The tutor was stunned and later stated, she remained stunned for several days. Being a teacher, tutor and parent, she had never seen, or for that matter, heard of anything like it. She said if she had not been there to witness it, it would be hard to believe.
The Math coordinator you ask? Where was she? There. Did she say anything? Nope!
Then, as we were leaving, the tutor stopped me in the hall, she said to forget everything that teacher had said. She said my son was smart! He was that smart! Contrary to the other teacher. And there had to be options. He was more than capable and she said she would help anyway she could. Then, the Math coordinator came out in the hall and said to take everything the teacher had said with a grain of salt. "You were nothing but nice and didn't deserve to be treated that way." She said she would see what, if any, options were available for my son, and would get back to me after her vacation in July, but before school.
Tick-Tock, Tick-Tock, Tick-Tock!
Nothing!!!!
I had two weeks before school started now...and nothing! I panicked...not kind of...really panicked. I had panic attacks. Realizing I would have to go up to school to talk to the vice principal, principal and teachers. I was that parent again. You know what I mean,...that parent that everyone knows is a complainer. I was that parent! Dealing with the same equation of people that did nothing to make the situation better. I had to fight, kick and scream to get help. I was not willing to go there again. Not to mention, this was the final straw.
I had a drunk teacher for my youngest on "meet the teacher night". when i reported it, I was asked by that principal if I was sure...or was it mouthwash. Then, I found out that this teacher had been turned in three times by other teachers for smelling like alcohol during the school day. I asked the principal to make the final decision on whether or not he was being placed in the right class. Miraculously, the counselor had already planned to call me to say she thought that teacher might not be a good fit. Really?? I guess I look stupid too!
He had also been a victim of a class bully who bullied many other kids too. It took a head injury that sent him to the Dr. & a call to the police for the school to do something. That was 2 years ago. The vice principal, in charge of discipline, had never heard of it. Even though it had gone on for over a year and countless emails and notifications from me and class teachers. The counselor did NOTHING! We then made the decision to move him to another elementary school within the ISD.
So for us....now you can see why the question, "so why do you homeschool?" Is NOT an easy question to answer.
My boys time, our families time, was being wasted & disrespected. I could not in good conscience continue this educational path. I had to figure it out and quickly!
I won't lie...over the last year I had a good friend mention it to me, homeschooling. I listened and shrugged it off. That's when I was a heifer...you know part of the cattle drive going to slaughter? Yes, that heifer.
But, then it was like in the movie A Christmas Story when Ralphie was about to go down the slide after visiting Santa and his inner voice started screaming, "WAKE UP STUPID!" The only time I think I really felt stupid. Why was I going along as if this was all acceptable, or ok? Why was I acting like it was shocking to have teachers talk that way to parents, when this was my 3rd round with teachers being condescending and rude!
5 years ago, we had a meeting with me and my husband, our youngest's P.E. teacher, principal, class teacher and counselor. This was over our Kindergartener being accused of cheating with rock, paper scissors ...which she admitted in front of all in the meeting, that she never witnessed the "incident", but was told he cheated by another 5 year old. But she sent my son home with a Yellow slip infraction and he lost his sticker...what? She was asked by the principal to work harder at clearer instructions etc. and acknowledged a do over may have been more age appropriate. Then, out of the clear blue sky, it happened. She pointed at me in the face, while leaning accross the conference table & yelled..."isn't it true Mrs. H. that you threw me under the bus to all your friends last night?" Mind you this was in front of her boss! The principal!!
Note: {I had gone out for cocktails the night before with friends/other Moms celebrating a Mom's 40th birthday. I quickly told another Mom that I had a message from the P.E. teacher saying my son cheated at rock, paper, scissors. Then, I was basically scolded as a parent on the phone. What do I do? I have a meeting tomorrow and how does a teacher scold and discipline a child for something she never saw and how did she feel comfortable enough saying to me, that I needed to be a better parent, proceeding to tell me how to be better. What?? This Mom I relayed the story to was shocked and said you have to tell the other Mom's and ask for advice...I can't believe this happened! }
Now you know where that comment from the P.E. teacher came from. I felt shocked & betrayed.
I stated back quickly, "I'm not your boss or co-worker. I have every right to share with other parents and ask for advice. You have no right to tell me who I can and can not speak to." The principal apologized to me and my husband saying she would address that final comment later and we had a right to speak to whomever we pleased.
So teacher outbursts, disrespect, condescending nature, was unfortunately not new...but still shocking. Yet, this is who I am entrusting my children to? This is who I leave them with for 7 1/2 hrs a day to learn, learn respectful behavior, manners and how to conduct themselves properly? Great! I had good teachers too. Very good teachers!! But, do I roll the dice every year? Oh my gosh... I can't do this anymore!!!
I was screaming this inside. I was losing it!
I began to read everything I could. Talk to everyone I could. Then, I found, what I call the Secret Homeschooling Society. Well, though not very secret, it was a mystery to me. I found 5 families of which 3 out of the 5 families had Gifted and Talented, previously enrolled in our ISD, kids. Why did they leave? Similar reasons for lack of educational help to further their children and one family has a child with a learning disability and one gifted. They left because the school failed both of their children.
I was not alone!!
They told me to drive over to one of their homes and the next thing I knew, I was in a village...you know...the one that it takes to raise a child? Yes, that one! I had a sample 7 year education plan, books to look at, lesson plan ideas, everything I could have asked for and more. Including the Public School debriefing I needed. You see I was opened up to the world of homeschooling, where there are no limits!
So Jen,
You can get online and do public school with teachers, naaaaaa
You could do a full curriculum you buy with no thinking, naaaaa
You could do a Christian based or in my case more specifically all Catholic School curriculum....naaaaa
You could do your own pieced together curriculum that was customized to your child! Bingo! That's it!
You see....there are SO many choices. I found everything through Barnes and Noble and Amazon.com. I get an educator discount at Barnes and Noble. I discovered homeschooling is 4 days a week and a flex/light day on the 5th day. Class is about 4 hours a day on core curriculum, Math, ELA, & Science. I also have Social Studies, Religion (bible reading & discussion), and what I call Literature time. I read aloud a book for 1-2 chapters. We have read, Tom Sawyer, The Witch of Blackbird Pond and almost finished with Huckleberry Finn. Finally they get the classics and Newberry Award Winners vs. Captain Underpants! Now, don't get me wrong, they love Captain Underpants and Origami Yoda, but that is done during their "own" free read time 30 min. required reading from me. They usually do this before lights out at bedtime. They are taking piano lessons, Science Lab (where they have dissected a pig) and built unusual materials models of the human heart, lungs etc, while studying Anatomy & Physiology. This was on top of the State Required Science workbook that we have finished for my 4th grader and almost finished for my 6th grader.). They will start golf lessons again soon and they also go to a great personal training facility, that the Dallas Cowboys use, for homeschool P.E..
All of this is accomplished by 3pm. 4days a week. Yes, they get 3 days off a week. One of those days we still do educational things..but they feel more like fun. Homeschool saved my sanity and my children's childhood. They play with their friends, play with Legos, Nerf Guns, Xploderz guns and most importantly, they are being kids and still learning!
My husband gets to see them now too! His job keeps him away until late and his days off are during the work week. This made it near impossible for him to spend time with them with their school schedule. Now, we can also take vacations when everyone else is still in school. Pretty cool huh!
Our path to homeschooling was not easy or without careful thought. But, we made it and we aren't looking back!
In case your wondering...my sister-in-law that's at Harvard for her Doctorate, her friend there at Harvard was homeschooled her whole life. So yes, homeschoolers can get into college and the Ivy League Schools!
So, I guess my advice to parents considering homeschooling, parents that have heard of homeschooling & wrinkled up their noses & judged, or for the family member or friend that just learned another family member or friend is going down the path of homeschooling...Please DON'T judge!! Listen, read, research and most of all, keep an open mind. You never know why someone chose to homeschool. It may have been their only choice. It was for us!
There are so many different avenues for homeschooling. No two are alike and the nice part is...if you don't like what your doing in homeschool, don't worry...you can change that too! No one will yell at you.
So my favorite part....Pictures!
Here is our Homeschool Room Revisited~
{You may have seen these before, but here is another tour.}
This is a sneak peek at Brain-Pop, a great video App for the school curriculum. We love it! It enhances, Social Studies, Science, etc.
I will now be sharing homeschool tips, homeschool adventures, and of course decorating & organizing tips as usual. I'm glad I can finally feel more comfortable and confident sharing our new family adventure. I'm glad you are coming along for the ride...........
Happy Rest of the School Year and As Always, Happy Decorating!
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